Saturday, September 21, 2013


Do you think that i've drawn my disappointment of you too obviously? Is it written on my face clearly? I know that my words are getting colder and maybe now you can feel everything that i've tried to hide for so long.
I can't keep it inside forever. I can't hold on anymore cause it seems like i've been run out of the patience inside me. And now i have to let it show. So you can see and read it clearly.
Honestly i won't waste my whole life to think of what i've gone through in the past. Remembering every single thing that i've ever watched with my innocent eyes when i was younger. A sad thing that has changed my point of view to this life.
Sometimes i wish it were simple... I wish it could be so easy... But i don't know why it could be this hard. It's so hard to just keep going without thinking about what happened.
I build myself to be so lonely and empty. And i always use my suspicious mind to protect myself from anything comes. I choose to play on the safest side and i hide myself on the most comfortable zone. It's all just because i don't want to get hurt.
Do you know how does it feel of growing up to be so defensive? Always try so hard to keep your heart from breaking? But you've forced me to be like that. And i hate it so much.
You tell me that we are just ordinary people. We all have the imperfection in ourselves. The imperfection that makes you do so many mistakes. But i think it's not the reason why we can't be a good man.
And now do i have to feel sorry for having a disappointment of you? Maybe it's just because i have my own imperfection as well...

Journey of Life

I can't stop wondering where i'm exactly supposed to be in this life. Sometimes i'm getting so afraid to get stuck in the life that i've never asked for. I'm so afraid to get trapped in the place that i'd never thought before. Cause i'll never know where this life can take me.
I've tried to build so many dreams since i was so young. I hope that it could be enough to take me to where i wanna be in the future. But what if i have to get lost and have no direction to take a step? What if those dreams are not strong enough to be the guide of my life?
This is life... So many people have tried to tell me that it's not easy to face this life. It takes a lot of faith, patience, and courage. God will always give me so many choices to choose. But i can't choose all of them. Maybe i could only have one choice, only one choice! I'll never know whether it's the best for me or not. All i can do is only wish for the best.
Anything could happen on the journey of my life. Any possibilities will come in front of me. It's gonna make me feel doubt, scare, and weak. I know i shouldn't think of what might happen on the journey. Cause maybe i'm gonna hate the way reality sets in.
I live in the real world, where it's so possible to me to feel pain, fear, hate and anger. And this life is not a fairy tale at all where i'm able to count my life on something called 'miracle'. I've got no fairy who can fly with the sparkling wings to help me anytime i face the problem. So, i can only believe in myself.
There are times when i have to meet so many faces on the journey. They are the strangers. Maybe one day they're gonna be friends or enemy. All i know is that they will not always offer the honesty to me. So, maybe i'm gonna keep being careful of anything comes.

Tak selamanya orang yang hadir dalam kehidupanmu akan selalu menawarkan ketulusan...

Tak selamanya orang yang hadir dalam kehidupanmu akan selalu menawarkan ketulusan...
Seharusnya aku mampu menyadari kenyataan ini sejak awal. Meski terdengar menyakitkan, tapi ini benar adanya. Bukan berarti aku terlalu pesimis untuk mendapatkan satu bentuk ketulusan. Hanya saja terlalu melelahkan terus menerka dan meraba dalam ketidakpastian.

Bukankan kita harus bersikap realistis dalam menghadapi kehidupan ini? Jika apa yang ada di hadapanmu tak menjanjikan kepastian apapun, haruskah terus bertahan dan menunggu?
Ketika mereka menghampirimu, mereka berkata bahwa dirinya layak untuk dipercaya dan pantas untuk diberi kesempatan. Namun bagaimana jika dipertengahan jalan mereka mengubah pikirannya dan memilih untuk berhenti dan berpaling darimu? Pada akhirnya kata-kata hanya menjadi sekedar kata-kata saja. Tak bermakna dan tak lagi menyiratkan apapun.

Aku tak bisa menyalahkan mereka. Setiap orang berhak untuk memilih apapun, siapapun dan dimanapun yang mereka inginkan. Maka jangan pula menyalahkan diri ini, jika pada akhirnya aku membangun sikap dan pemikiran yang terlalu berhati-hati terhadap apapun dan siapapun yang mencoba hadir dalam kehidupanku. Menatap penuh curiga dan tanda tanya besar menggantung dalam benakku.

Tak ada seorang pun di dunia yang ingin dilukai dan disakiti, baik secara fisik maupun perasaan. Tak peduli oleh mereka yang baru saja hadir dalam kehidupanmu ataupun mereka yang telah begitu lama mengenalmu.

Terkadang seseorang yang telah lama kau kenal dalam hidupmu masih bisa membuatmu terluka. Maka sangat mungkin pula orang yang baru saja kau temui akan melakukan hal yang sama padamu.

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